mebeingME

Dear Friend,

I think of texting you and calling you, but never find time. I am somehow juggling between my work, upskilling, mental health, physical health, financial sortings, passion, family, relationships, etc Have I missed anything?! I somehow feel I have lost the momentum of the bond we once shared. Even though we get into calls, they end up being funny as we are just sharing our story in past tense and as much as we wish to hear them raw, seems difficult. I am thinking to myself do I truly lack the time, or I do not have the energy; I honestly do not know. Well, I was not a part of the Chandrayan mission, so safe to say I lack the energy! :p Maybe I was drawing most of the energy from you, and let me just let the cat out of the bag, Yes I Miss US. As cliché as it sounds and something we saw coming, we will grow apart due to distance, choice of work, and lack of commonality to resonate with. But, is it so?

Every time I look at an accessory, I am reminded of you. Every time I impulsively buy something I remember how you will roll your eyes and disown me and yet long to show you excitedly. Every time I hear a “you know what” I recall us. Every time someone calls me a bitch face, I am reminded of how you thought am that bitch and now look how far have we come. Every time I win those small devils in my head, I think of you to celebrate them with as only you would be able to understand what it means to me. Every time someone appreciates me I want you to be like don’t fly too much. Every time I am low and life throws gallons of lemons yet another nth time, I wish you were right here to put a fair amount of sugar in my lemonade. Every time birthdaymy nears I wish we could celebrate like old times. Every time I am triggered I wish you were here to let me know why am I triggered as you know from where my neutral networks are mapped to. Every time am condescending myself I wish you were here to hype me up and shut the inner voice. Every time I am tired of putting up the brave face,showingw courage, be independent, and run in this never ending loop of “I have got my shit together” and run, I miss you who would just understand it all from that one look on my face. Everyone asks why is it a big deal for me, and why am I the way I am I just go look “abh shuru se sabh kon bathayega” In short, every time I miss you. To give you a context of how it feels, it is like having paralysis. Having the friends, my all body parts well within reach but yet not able to have them functioning.

I now wonder what can I do to make you happy, what can I surprise you with. How can I get the momentum back. I have no answers honestly. Ofcourse, I agree with the line “we left right where we stopped” but you know…. it is still not the same yar! So this letter to you, as I want you to know you are the treasure I own and am super proud Maybe be now I no longer have words to console you. I know me mentioning to be there right here doesn’t help as much as me being beside you. Problems and crises we both are facing are way serious and delicate. Telling me stories in past tense is not what you like. You have legit grown and there is nothing that I can console you with or perhaps hard truth is we can for sure live without each other. But, just a quick question are you living for now or tomorrow?

Hope that did not pinch you. We are all in this phase of running around, You must be finding it hard to get through with your job, you might be going through a breakup, you must be stepping into a new phase of life, moving countries, battling with your self as no one understands you and you do not have the capacity to explain it to them. I know you are capable of it all and can handle anything coming your way. But, yet I just wanted to write this letter and assure you, you are loved and cared for from a distance. You are thought of every moment I have a good or bad phase. You are imagined and a wide smile is what paints my bitch face. You are the reason I can overcome the quarter-life crisis, as I recall your exact narrative in the tone you had told me back then. You are the reason I do not give up when someone tries to pull me down. You are the reason am revalidated and assured in this competitive world. You are the reason therapy is comparatively cheaper! :p

Before I bid goodbye to you, please know am there right here impersonating a mirror of the old you. To present to you how far have you come. To show you how much YOU have left behind which was so little of you and more of the noise. I am here to show you how beautiful and strong you are growing day by day. I am here to let you know people may be judging and evaluating you based on your today, but I know and have seen all the phases you have passed by and walked out like a boss. Do you know how much of hope it is to the broken, to the flawed, to the younger you? So please do not beat yourself up, or think to yourself why am I even breathing, or what am I even doing, and what sense does this all make, or anything along these lines. (#aduluting, these phrases are like substitute to our childhood mandate bed time stories) I am here to give you that cushion to fall on. I am here to give you the space to just forget the world and come to rest. I am here with open wide arms to give you a hug without questions asked. I am here to smile at you when you are tired of seeing those fake smiles. I am here when it feels underwaters. I am here, right here. Here may be figurative, may be you cannot call or meet me. But, but just close your eyes, and think of meeee and trust me you will feel your jaws wide touching your cheeks (if not we need to talk boss! 🙂 love you friend!!!

Love and Hugs,

Same environment new circumstance

While in my engineering days, I used to go to a public library to study and read in my free time. I am now back in my hometown, working from home, been 5 good years approx. and hence thought of rejoining. I am not sure how long I am here, but I guess such uncertainties are what qualifies it to peak adulthood, no? 🙂

I then went into the library and moved to the reception to ask what the enrolling procedure is. “You are a member right”, is what the lady responded with confidence and a smile. I was stunned, I said that was almost 5 years ago and you remember me. She said, I very well recall your face. My gosh, my heart was full. I of course remembered her face very well, but since we did not have any conversation or bonding back then, I assumed she might not know me. Even if she does, she may not associate any memory with me and choose to not mention it. But I was pleasantly surprised and loved it. We had a good talk, and the process was complete. Made me realize even though I was a passerby, rather a confused and lost one, I was noticed and remembered, well very fondly surprisingly. Perhaps conversations aren’t needed for memory, maybe a smile radiates and makes its space in someone’s heart to recall after how many years be it.

I looked around at the books and places, yet the same as back then. Of course a few new books, racks made better and painted, and different faces. But the essence of it remained the same. I was amused to see my circumstances being different from back then when I was nervous, anxious, clueless, and confused. I used to walk differently, feel differently, and be different. But now to be in a different phase of life, having worries, and issues that are perhaps different from the old me who strolled there earlier, the mind chatters being resolved and a completely different dimension to feel it all in the same place back is what made me feel hopeful, confident and empowered somehow.

As I almost took an exit, I happened to meet my schoolteacher who taught me back in 3rd standard. I was not sure if it was her itself as she had surely aged a bit, but when I took a closer look yes it was her and I went right up to her waving a hiiiii She smiled, and as surprised as she was, she could not recall my name nor much of my face. I introduced myself and she then recalled but was feeling bad that how could she forget. She asked me what I was doing and if am happy. I was telling her how it is not happy all days, but we are getting there slowly. I was just yapping, and she suddenly cut me and said ohhhhh I now completely recall you. Now that I see you closer and when you shared your friends name, batch and family whereabouts. She paused held my hand and said you have become so smart, so bold, so different for the lack of words, but I felt overhwelmed. With opAsd to a shy, timid, quiet girl. I was so for a long time, and she did show me a mirror to my pasof which was pleasantly satisfying.

It will rise again, in the same environment but this time you will not be hurt by the rays but embraced.

While we need to know our childhood does influence how we respond, thought process and major part of our feelings, but what is beautiful is we no longer are in the same situation or circumstance anymore once we grow. For some, it might still be, and I cannot generalize, but at least for me, it is different if not the end and a fairy tale. What is exciting is, you get to experience it all yourself. Give yourself that chance to feel it. To experience what you “wished” for and had a vision in your mind that “one day” it should be me and make that one day a reality. The child in you will relive it and trust me, that happy dance cannot beat anything. It almost feels like finaly your mind and your heart are hi-fying for once in sync raising a toast for you. So, whatever is it, it will change. That is the hope I would like to leave you today with.

Love and Hugs,

Life is full circle? Or spiral

Okay, google, tell me “XYZ”! Though we are blessed with google, we fail to seek answers to questions we have from life or for life. While in a situation, just like how we Google the symptoms and get some vague medication for our issues, only if Google could tell us how to deal with life as an adult would have been sorted! Though I did yet try to google and some Instagram influencers came in where they quote 20 things to do in your 20s, places to visit, jobs to have, etc. The concern was am I convinced by the answer? Full marks accomplished for the answer received and the question in your head, the voice in your head/heart, and all those follow-up questions too?

While in my schooling years, I studied in a CBSE board and loved analogies back then as well. I used to write my 10 marks and 20 marks answers in analogy. My teacher did give me marks, but while it went out for external correction, I lost marks. I was told we need to adhere to the keywords which are present in the answer key. This answer key is given by a central department and all teachers follow it. While I shuffle through life now, as an adult I realize we all seem to have similar questions. Yet, the accuracy of the answers is unique based on your answer key. Unless your keywords don’t match your answer key you won’t be able to reason it or make peace with it. The internal monologue with the follow-ups will not have an answer at some point while we are not aligned, and we are lost. Rightly so, we feel we are back to square one!

The question I was asking myself was do I have the answer key ready? By when are we to have it ready, is it a fixed key that I could borrow, or do I have to invest heavily in getting it drafted and do I have to revise it as per the new syllabus cycle that we are in, ridiculous, right? But funnily we live as though we are in such a cycle of life. To top it in this era where we have homeschooling, we no longer need to have a fixed answer key may be :p. We are flexible and agile. Jokes aside, difficult for us to categorize or fall off under a box to feel safe within a tribe. Hence, I suppose anxiety is becoming our new friend off lately with changes, drastic changes! How much of the change can we adapt, and should be all we can probably have control over, and need to draft our answer key accordingly. The good news is, we can and ought to draft the answer key for ourselves!

In it’s time, it is peace and feels perfect

I am a nobody, so Idk what is “okay” but, how we can navigate through it is, today could be the first day of your life with each new answer key draft initiative. We have the prerequisites within us, we need to hold to our values, principles, and purpose, and develop a vision to have our life situations, and phases identified and tracked. We need to formulate an eye to see the reason behind every phase, that is when we understand the path. We cannot seek it from an external source. Sometimes we cannot see the reason while we are at it, as we are clouded with emotions. How I navigate here is with my faith in the creator, where I trust the process and surrender. To each their own so no say here. As we progress, it will help develop the answer key, small amendments as we realize what is important to us, what are our needs, wants, childhood dreams, and wishes. We write what is our priority, negotiable parameter, and non-negotiable parameters. While we get through this, we realize sometimes we are going through the same feelings and feel looped. What we don’t realize is, it’s not a circle to be a loop but a spiral while we are on this path to evolve or grow. It doesn’t have to be a circle for a circle are points equidistant from the center. A spiral on the other hand is a curve that emanates from a point moving farther away as it revolves around the point. We are not where we have started when we look back at it. We have evolved and grown to write this answer key and answer life queries accordingly to reach where we ought to. We are moving away from the epicenter, we are learning unlearning, and relearning. Though we feel the same, each time surveying how fast you get back to your path, identifying the pattern, and rising prolifically since you have your draft to hold on to, reminds you of your journey. We are yet elevated while a spiral. It is a shift, as opposed to while you are in a circle, you are covering the same circumference.

Unless we focus on our spiral growth and are aligned I wish to believe we are doing fine. But the minute you deviate and echo a voice that is not yours, while you pick multiple answer keys, is when probably you are drawing the circumference of some other circle and you feel you are caught up in a loop. While you follow your answer key, it feels as if you are walking on a spiral staircase. As you spiral higher and higher, once you get a hang of the path you walk faster and no longer feel dizzy. You are quicker with your eye to vision what works for you, and what doesn’t. At every step you take, your decisions are proportional courageously, true to yourself and inversely proportional to fear. In other words, you are quick to update the version of your answer key based on the change around you, you can gauge very well how much of it you wish to adapt based on your priorities. You understand the importance of your timing, and no longer be bothered about the fellow follower in Instagram who is flying to US or marrying or having kids or whatever. The forming of the answer key is surely tough, needs investment within, and may not share prolific tangible results while at it, but once completed it’s just a matter of upgrade, and it will be a catalyst for your tangible decisions in life. I would like to say life sure will come a full circle, but may you have an elevated spiral view to your own path.

Love and Hugs,

Money

Wealth we possess sometimes needs an eye to view and spot it

What does money mean to you? Varied kind of people share their ideologies of what money implies for them. The significance is mostly depending on how they were raised in their childhood days, it grows on them. Rightly so, as we are not born with the idea of what money is. How it is used and how it is leveraged is what we observe and associate a value towards. For most, it is the indicator of status and success. For the so-called underprivileged, it is the light at the end of the tunnel situation. A necessity for their needs which they require as bare minimum to survive. For the middle class, it is what keeps them in stress always I guess? They have enough for their needs, but the wants seem to be upskilling themselves every time they look out of the window 🙂

Heard most of my generation saying we do not need it, got it anyways! Now, this is sure a privilege and we are not talking about the extreme ends of the spectrum. The line between want and need is what we need to distinguish and understand Is my feeling. Talking about me, I focus on my needs and kept a threshold for my wants. Or let me see, automatically the universe gives me signs, it’s not needed just walk off. It’s up to us what ratio we want to prioritize the wants with. We have different domains in life, relationship, family, friends, careers, passion, etc. While one of it low, we tend to seek the dopamine kicks from the other. Mostly, the transaction involves money. Money doesn’t buy you happiness they say but sure is required to buy what makes you happy right? It could be to donate, gift your loved one, or for yourself. Money seems to be involved on a general context excluding the extremes.

While I see it in my life, most of my purchases are based on the best price for the good. But, there needs to be a limit set. Above the threshold, I consider it greed. Life shows me that on my face, not kidding. I just hold on to it a few days before purchasing it, and I see how automatically I either get it somehow from another source, or the need for it no longer exists. It’s just gone. While I have also been with people for whom money is always overflowing for whatever reasons, good for them. While I observe them, they buy it and then regret it. Immediately it’s thrown into the trash or sold out. The point is, we can handle our needs and some threshold of our wants. For our greed, we do not have enough and never will. Because as we evolve even the things with which money can buy evolves. There is no limit to it. And mind you we are never satisfied if we associate our worth with it. The charm of it lost, according to me. While I keep a certain wishlist in the back of my mind, it keeps me on the constant lookout in everyday life as well. This keeps me going to some extent among the mundane.

I am very grateful and humbly accept I can have what I need. But yes, need to surely work more disciplined with my wants, it’s a beautiful journey indeed. It teaches me the value of things. While you own anything in abundance, its value is lost. Of course, you can argue how about love in abundance? Its value is not lost, please that is intangible and you can’t measure it 🙂 we talking only about paisa! I learn to take good care of things, so it doesn’t be unusable sooner. Make good wise decisions while purchasing based on the usage. Certain things can be bought cheap and purchased again for the same rate when needed later, then spending heavily and using it one time. It’s all usage and comfort. It teaches me to keep it clean and organized. So I retain a count of what I have and its status. Most importantly to Recycle and Reuse. My mom is cool, whatever she needs and wants is found in her khazana! Just amazes me. Somehow she has it right there when needed. She doesn’t purchase it. As a result, she ends up having a unique creative piece as opposed to the mass having the piece purchased. It teaches me creativity and the power it holds. You can make what you want while you are creative and it bestows immense satisfaction and joy! It also teaches you patience, to retain it and reuse it someday when in need. It sprinkles some form of hope and looking forward to the future kinda feeling! Bliss💫

Love and hugs,

Moments

Our life is at a certain pace and we are always occupied as an adult, mostly if not every day. We are moving towards fulfilling and achieving our goals. We celebrate when we reach a certain milestone. We soak the essence of achievement while we have anything tangible to feel so, be it promotion, appraisal, salary revision, stock market growth, new house, new car, birthday, marriage, anniversaries, or anything along those lines. How about the moments, which may not be falling into the metric of celebration but are wholesome moments as your dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins just shoot up? I love those moments and quoting a few of my recent past ones.

In church, we sit in a bench with capacity of 6, and next to me there came a cute couple with their lovely charming Mr young one, barely able to walk. He kept holding the kneeler and walked along the whole mass quietly. While he passed around me, he waited for me to see and while I spotted him with my peripheral vision and looked, he acted disinterested and returned to the other end! Around the end of the mass, he was comfortable and left the kneeler able to walk almost without support. He was so elated, he kissed his moms lap looked upto her and smiled. He walks to his dad, kissed his lap and gives him a smile too. Comes back to his mom, takes her other lap and repeats. Did this in loop, ofcourse how I wished he came few inches and showed up on my lap too 🙂 oh and how I mentioned barely able to walk as I introduced him? Nevertheless, fully grown on emoting and expressing love I must admit! ❤

Every time I visit my grandma, it’s bliss. While I drive back home all my family members come to the door to wave me off. I then name each person and bid goodbye. No one told me to, I could just say aloud an unanimous bye, but I love it that way as am aware someday the count decreases. It has already, my uncle is no more there in the frame. Nevertheless, while I still wave goodbye, I visualize an additional bye too from my uncle as it’s a habit seeing him 🙂 Now, my granny until I reach the gate and close the gate, which is almost an acre of land across will still stand and wave alone! While I see her through the side mirrors, further and further, life feels similar, certain blessings just being around me as I walk along life.

My neighbor’s kid loves catching people off-guard. Another neighbor’s uncle was watching his phone in the recliner, she went tip-toeing and performed her religious routine hiding behind the recliner. As usual, uncle acted scared and reacted. She was so happy and hooted out of joy. She then goes and rests on one arm of the recliner, peeping into her uncle’s phone with her head almost on his shoulder! I mean, just the bond and how easy it is to feel happy no?

I was going out for a walk post-work hours, talking to aunty, mom, sis who was strolling her wheelchair around. I was tired so both my hands were up in the air to stretch, that’s when the lift reached my floor and the door automatically opened with my neighbor in it. My neighbor who was completely engrossed in his phone then stepped out of the lift from habit didn’t realize I was standing right there and then moved his gaze from his phone to reality, freaked out seeing my hands up in the air, he dodged as his reflex told him to save himself from someones hit. Yes, we are the almost same height so you can imagine his fright 🙂 all of us had a good laugh and until I walked almost half a km, I kept laughing. Most of them on the road smiled, and I yet couldn’t control myself as his aghast face was just in front of me!

Trying to develop the eye for catching more such beauty

While I go for walks, I have to cross roads, as usual people seem to be busy to reach somewhere every day. So I have to wait for longer than usual to just cross. But, a bus driver, quite unexpected of him stopped so I could cross. Ufff my heart, I did smile at him and he smiled back. While I drive, I stop so they can cross too, and uff their smiles are precious. They speak emotions, as they don’t expect someone to stop and are grateful to get their chance to cross a hurdle safely. Crossing reminded me, I was again on my walk and a down syndrome guy was a few meters ahead of me wanting to cross. I didn’t have to cross as such, but since I saw there was huge traffic ahead, I thought I’ll just cross already so slowed down my pace. The special child thought I was afraid to cross. He came up to me, and on one hand, kept perpendicular to the road signing the traffic to wait, and the other hand gesturing towards me to cross… Yes yes almost in tears and awe. I was now at the divider, he too came and stood by next. Assuring me we can cross the second level too, and similar gestures and instructions were performed. I said thankyou very much, he was indeed proud and left. Uff, I mean no words. Just glimpses to seize in forever in my heart.

Another walking and singing story, since I go post-sunset for walks, it’s mostly dark and not that lit. I reached a place around which has malls and city lights, and felt someone standing right next to me! I almost jumped onto the road from the footpath and my song lost its track! When I then looked, it was my own bloody shadow!!!! Yes!!!! I again had a good laugh, and philosophically had thoughts like Woah now am scared of myself huh!

We were walking in a line to receive communion in church while walking along person behind me stepped on my feet. My reflex weirdly was well-behaved and didn’t look back or sidewards. I just kept walking. I received the communion, got back to my seat, and waited for my bench people to enter, while I did the lady came to my ear and whispered am sorry I overstepped. I of course brushed it off saying it’s nothing patting her back, but how it makes me believe kind and sensitive people exist!!!!! Love it.

For a few, it may sound silly, and illogical. But, don’t we often love to dwell and think of those moments which didn’t go in our favor? We love to wonder why did the person react a certain way, not give us closure, acted insensitively, commented rudely, etc. We feel hurt and take the hurt within us everywhere. Not realizing, it is the same hurt that we will water on the other. People don’t tend to hurt consciously most of the time. They happen to as there is a lot of bruises within them that are not healed. I am not saying we should not feel hurt. All I am saying is I do not like challenging such moments. They do not have answers or let me say satisfactory convincing answers. We always have a biased approach, based on our frame of mind. Completely letting go of the other person. I value those moments as well, and try to respond to them and not react. And am done! I choose to not take it forward in my memory. Hence, I love and make it a point to hold on to the above-mentioned glitters in my life. I love them, they keep me human and alive. Most of the time it is a coincidence and I love coincidences, it makes me believe harder it’s all for a reason. Keeps me alert, mindful, and hopeful!

Love and Hugs

It is what it is

Off late I find myself being extremely swamped. I fail to find the time free, of course, my mind says you can always make time if you want. But, I don’t have the energy to introspect or feel as much while being drained. It feels overwhelming with all being thrown at you for once, in all aspects of life. It is not difficult, it does not feel unnecessary nor does it feel questionable. It just feels unsure whether can deal with it right. Whether being able to fulfill and do justice to it all as am juggling. Hoping am not messing or doing less in some aspects of it.

The last thing I do is question why is this happening to me. I am blessed with whatever is being thrown at me. I love being occupied and loved by so many around me. I don’t get time to overthink or allow my mind to dwell on random shit. That said, of course, it gets mentally taxing to just grind. Nevertheless, it’s not impossible.

It is what it is, I accept my reality. This helps me to kick off the machine. I am now ready to face it, while I accept it is what it is. I then try with baby steps, one small step and that’s all the radar am focussing on. I do not want to see ahead as it just feels so chaotic, I feel I won’t be able to handle the imperfections there and feel confused. Hence, I limit my vision to the closest proximity based on priority. Now, of course, there comes a ball dodging from far, It does hit my face as I didn’t see it coming. I now learn to feel the hurt and yet continue with my baby steps. That’s the best I can do, and I focus there. This is equivalent to me trying to say no in real life. Hard, but helps to just focus. Step by step, I move ahead. I take rest while I can and relax. Writing blogs like I am doing now, helps me feel in control with the closest proximity that I have created. That gets me thinking about how we humans love to have it and feel it all under control. That is where I try to balance it out. Holding on to what I feel is in control, but not strong enough to let it go and not light enough to be snatched. As I know I have been looked after and the grace will drive me forward who has it all under control. I trust the central control room 🙂

Stop, there is light already before you reach the end of the tunnel. It is within you 🙂

These emotions make you feel anything and everything just in a day. It gets difficult to feel in control or at peace. The ratio of how much you wish to hold on to and leave to the central control room is up to you. I try to work on this ratio, this balance helps to remain sane and take baby steps. While I legit tick off these tasks on my baby steps, the path gets clearer. Discipline and consistency is probably the key. While you are working on just showing up, sure you cannot handle it all with 100% outcome results. You can not attend to it all or show up everywhere. But, while you do your best, your 100% is given. Learning to be comfortable with this cent percentage drawn around keeping me as the center of the axis with what’s best possible for me. Certain aspects can wait, address them and keep them for later. Certain things need immediate attention, yes difficult or fearful to face may be hence we procrastinate, but do it anyway and enter the battlefield. For your fears, if dwelled on gets demonic attention and you don’t want that. Just show up, face it. It is what it is and you will surely learn your way out. That feeling of moving your ass through the fire, yet with a vibe of ice water is grace that will be poured on you. Just take the step, and own it. Far better than you overthinking the outcome in your head and hyping it up to a level where it feels heavy to even move.

I usually have this picture of how everything should be perfect or how I should be great at it already. Completely negating the fact that I need to start small, that I legit need to start, need to learn the cues along the way to make my base strong, and sway along either end of the spectrum to be able to manage the whole spectrum myself before I fly to the next flight. Loving it, learning through it, funny how it is what it is, strangely beautiful, weirdly crazy, and spiritually aligning 🙂

Love and Hugs,

Your Voice

To find our voice, need to sit with ourself.

You see those trees in summer, left lonely and alone. When spring flows around, tourists come along to pluck the flowers, in autumn there is a sudden crowd around to capture its beauty, during the fall, even their leaves are picked up and captured! While nature adapts and loves them for all seasons, promising it its bloom & rejuvenation as time passes.

I feel like this tree. Earlier on in life, was pretty much an introvert. Would talk to people I am comfortable with, and would never stop. But those I didn’t, I never opened up. Back of my mind and heart, I knew I am not this person and why should I have such vast differentiation in being among people. It tickled me when I saw certain content, writeups, and people who I didn’t admire because of any external tangible factors, it was purely for their essence, their love for art, and creativity, they had heard their voice and nurtured. That reflected on their face, they wore authenticity in their smile, and pureness in their eyes, and the glow on their face was them bravely owning their flaws and humbly sharing their existence with the world. It was very few of them, it needs courage you see hence I used to be swayed by it. Wondered if I could ever feel that confident, owning it and listening to the voice and giving it life.

Cut to the present, life seems exactly on along these lines. People now define me as an extrovert, I consider it ambivert :). I can see myself transforming into the person I always wished to become. Partially, of course and long way to go. I can be free while I share what I feel, being mindful about the fact not all feel the same and don’t have to admit it’s only a right way to look at things. All this ofcourse within my boundaries.

"It is an innate nature in human beings to move towards perfection. The wise recognise this to be a movement from one level of perfection to the other. Whereas the unwise brood over imperfection."  Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

It surely emphasizes being aware and mindful. We need to realize or see that we reached one level of perfection and understand it’s time to step into the other level.
The stagnancy or let’s say the phase where we attain a level and remain there is mostly short. For a delta, and then the next shift comes, perhaps prepping you for the next level.
Now because we are not nurturing the voice, you would not be aware or realize you have just elevated to the next level, ending up beating yourself that you are just so messy and imperfect.

To view life from an angle, and to see yourself transform to the other side partially, and being questioned or accused of how it’s “easy” for me, is when you feel blessed and filled with god’s grace to have been able to grow. For me, personally, if one soul gets inspired to grow closer to their voice and live by it, my life purpose here on earth feels fulfilled. There is no bigger satisfaction than it. While you feel these moments, it automatically lends you the visa to the next quarter of your life to live with hope and listen to the voice deeply.

Love and Hugs,

Role Reversal

We clean our houses daily and believe nothing is different, its monotonous; We water our garden, we feel few plants bloomed and few remain the same; We walk past nature and say nothing really changed; We alas look into the mirror and say life is uneventful and there is nothing significant to it;

Really? Have you watched closely and been mindful?

Watch closely and you will see all the spider’s webs in corner of your room, watch closely and you will see a different shade of flower bloomed in that same branch, watch closely and what you thought is dying is now giving birth to a shoot, watch closely and you will see nature is welcoming you with open arms by swaying it branches at you, watch closely and you will see you are growing older and being delusional about it!

I have been working on a project and last week marked its end on a good note. Surprisingly while I read the appreciation email today and seeing my name highlighted felt different. Last year it had another name whom I looked up to and wondered what magic wand the person has to accomplish it with such ease. Today while I see a role reversal, unanswered questions are redundant to my life. You do not get answers when you have the question popping in your head, but someday when you are questioned the same question is when you realize the role reversed and now you are on the other side of the table. You never got your answers earlier when asked but you now have reached a state where you are living that phase of life and hence being questioned! Beauty is It organically flows and you mold into those answers making it questionable to the world. Time indeed heals and brings joy, while you utilize the time efficiently. Another understanding of role reversal was when a junior came up to me and said how crucial the task she had in hand is only to realize one year back I felt the same. Of course, it was crucial, but no longer crucial for me. It was a cakewalk for me, unlike one year back broke my head over it. I legit saw the cycle of life passing by.

I have wished certain things were in a certain way for me, or I hoped certain people changed certain ways of doing. Both of them, if preached doesn’t solve in fact you just become a talker. I adapted to practice what I wish changed, irrespective of anyone watching or not, being appreciated or not. Just enforcing it in my day-to-day life. While the other continues to be ignorant, you step up and lead it the way you find it right. Gives me the satisfaction of being able to do my bit and be calmer. The cherry on the cake was, to see it reflected among others. People changed their ways of working at least from what I saw. The narrative in the emails, and approach on calls, being respectful of boundaries. That’s when it hit me, you reap what you sow.

It takes time but indeed possible, while you adapt it, is when you know the difficulty it comes with, and you learn to be more patient and empathetic towards the other. You are in the process of growing since you pushing your learning curve, and hence make no space for unwanted negative slogans in everyday living. Eventually, those who wish to learn, do it from you, and there you go, you are breaking the cycle! There is nothing more rewarding than this.

Having a vision of being somewhere, doing something, and finally being on the other side of the table is what makes it worthwhile for me. However small, it adds up to the person you are and the life you live. It is a series of these turn table rotations. It won’t stop, and If I am just on one side of the table, I am perhaps not going to enjoy the ride and the view. I am stationary and rigid.

While I switch places and can view 360 degrees of the experience, I understand why certain things are a certain way and you be more patient towards the process. I understand why the other is being so in a certain situation, and you can empathize. Training needn’t happen through an institution, each day while you vouch to practice something religiously you are growing. It makes you more hopeful and courageous as you know the other side of the table is welcoming. Switching tables perhaps do not happen by snatching others’ positions or being manipulative about it. It happens when opportunities are ceased and your mind and heart are open to change. While you choose to see above the temporary discomfort and see through the eyes of faith the promised future, that is when your every day is being fruitful. Why me and how unfair life is to me can never be your slogans.

Checking out the view on the other side 🙂

While I introspect my life, (not lived 60 years to give advice) I see how 25 years feels different at each phase of its existence. How music notes, and chords, make a difference in the tune of the song, similarly these phases of life hit different at a phase. We can sing the same wordings from a song in a different tune, different melody. Up to you how you wish to improvise it. You can be creative with your melody, to be creative you got to be liberating and courageous, which sure asks for faith in something divine, and while you have that faith, your octaves will surely paint a tune that is praiseworthy. Sing on.

Love and Hugs,

Base, peak and foothills

Care to hear what my birdie said to me? Here we go; They declared her goal. They ordained a path. Fly, she was told! Easy? Unfortunately, not for my birdie! How incompetent right? When you have the GPS and wings what was the problem, you may ask. They forgot, she is supposed to be equipped with stamina but my birdie was malnourished. Most importantly, birdie failed to understand why she is to follow the GPS, she couldn’t trust the destination, and rightly so, had no reason and motivation to reach the destination. She didn’t enjoy the journey, and never understood any aspect of the navigation. To top it, they dared to judge my birdie! :p They announced, that she needs to score a certain grade, post each completion of a lap. She was never great at it, perhaps barely managed to scrape through. While they explained this is how “life” is, cut the chirping and fly. No surprise, my birdie fell. And now we are together having a conversation over a cup of coffee!

Strangely, I resonated with my birdie. Almost the same was told to me and when I fell they said, it’s okay just stand up. Don’t worry about the goal or the path. Just stand up, and at least walk. If not crawl, but don’t stop. Everyone is viewing, common not a good sight for the crowd they said. I now was further confused, are they worried about me or the sight of the crowd? Failed to understand when was I auctioned for the billboard face? Anyways, why was it not acceptable earlier, why was the fall required to prove the hardship. Maybe because we can attest it is acceptable only when the extreme tangent of any emotion is hit. You plan to elope, plan to jump off, plan to walk out, plan to give up, that’s the reasonable criteria to consider throwing some light on your mental health 🙂 convenient!

The so-called life which they spoke about, came to my understanding when the birdie and I finally decoded the source of our respective GPS. It was then clear like water. Birdie and I did a cheers! No longer doubts, questions had an answer which I couldn’t probably elaborate with words to form a sentence. Best of all was no longer required to be understood, as we were aligned with the source. Clouded thoughts started clearing out, step after step, and it all started to make sense. Walked, with the voice of the GPS, kept walking. Their comparisons didn’t bother, their judgments didn’t hurt. Life was moving on. It was all heard, but not dwelled upon or absorbed. As far as my path was concerned, they said I do not possess prerequisites, no accessories, no support, and no supplies to move ahead. But I sought guidance and trust in the source and walked. From the base, you finally reach the peak. You are excited to receive a reward. Unfortunately the same people now are back, rather declaring me a failure. I don’t recall inviting them for my results. But they just magically appeared. They nudged my thought process, inducing their caring unasked love. It wasn’t a peak that I rose, the steps walked weren’t valid, the path followed was not factual, they said. I wondered which was this accreditation under, unanimously they seem to echo each other and me not being whitelisted. Each of them had a narrative to share on what I should do to change my life more like a pamphlet with respective GPS in it. Every second person followed this process. More like I have put a tent right in the middle of the road, and help of humans coming towards me to evangelize their pamphlet and GPS. Is this some ritual? Idk!

While it took me time for understanding, who are they, and why are they digging in between my source and me? It was confusing and misleading. Until I realised, why am I collecting these pamphlets? And yes, who are they to market their pamphlets whilst only my creator and I are in this project, the stakeholders of this project. How stupid of me to give a listening ear to someone who hasn’t seen the budget plan and shares the architecture layout :p funny! May be because I had no energy left to walk further. Highly dehydrated, but thrist wouldn’t be met with water. May be the passerby thought I needed water and marketed the best water in town along those pamphlets. Unknown to the definition of my dehydration. So, not their fault. I was to be blamed for I wasn’t able to explain my thirst. But unfortunately, had no energy to even explain the same. Imagine what a fool I looked to the passerby, thinking hundreds of pamphlet of water bottles, and few water bottles even kept aside, but yet dehydrated.

Perseverance comes to rescue, switching on and switching off just to ensure I don’t drain out and die was the hack after a point, to live. I was sure when the source can view the map, I am very well spotted. My location was on 🙂 am traced, being looked after. It was evident. Guess what, the lifeline was sent. One huge cloud, the heat was gone, the thirst was quenched, the gush of wind, I have moved to some other foothill altogether. In its timing, in its way, the choice you took pays off and you land on the exact latitude longitude you are ought to! The thirst will be quenched. Along with thirst, every equipment, necessity and pre requisites will be showered. Those passerby will now call it magic and term it luck. But you will witness a wink along with a voice, thank you for riding with me. Keep choosing wise! More to come, let’s go!

Birdie and I had a good conversation over a cup of coffee. Birdie loves inferences, so I shared with her the following. Explore the source and believe in your source, any source that you believe in, all you have to do is then fly. Fly light, surrendering to the voice of the source. Terminology changes when we follow the guidebook shared by our source. It will have words like the season of preparation, gratitude, free will, love, kindness, positivity, confidence, and assurance. Unlike the other side of it where they will coin it lost, tumbling, slow, failure, unsuccessful, crazy, loser. Life is surely walking from one base to a peak, only to reach another foothill of the mountains. Each climb is unique, it doesn’t seem to end, but the abundance of blessings never ceases too. It’s liberating to comprehend the space is magnificent and abundant for your path, as it’s uniquely designed and carved. Your source is tracing it. Smile birdie, you are under CCTV surveillance! 😉

Love and Hugs,

Knot

My aunt makes lovely artwork – crochet. While I see it every day in front of my work desk, I admire its beauty, the efforts behind weaving it, the idea, the grace, the fineness, the colors, the innovation, the patience, the time, and love. I happened to have a closer glance, and I understand these are all knots or twists.

That kinda inspired me. How the twirls, the twists, the knots could make this incredibly intricate design something which evolves to be a beauty to the eye and emits such good energy. Why then we as humans are so fearful of this mechanism in our day-to-day life? I get stressed these days, especially while adulting that I am “back to square one” feels. Meaning to say, no potential tangible progress feels stuck, spirally moving around. Events of challenges, clearing them at my own pace but doesn’t fit the set definition of success, milestone, and I sit wondering what a mess. But why? While the creator looks from above how beautiful it might seem right? If this crochet could look this fabulous, how great would my journey decode to?

So this blog post is more for me to affirm how it needn’t fit the definition. It needn’t fit anyone’s ideal thinking. No stamp needed, no validation needed. Now, you don’t even need my stamp, of course. How then do you analyze how far have you come? Retrace your path. Align yourself with your vision. While you were younger, there were many things and wishes you had for yourself, are they coming true? Are you able to decode life events as you walk? Are you able to find yourself at the right time, the right moment to grab that opportunity? Ever wondered how the right people just came along? Are you at peace while lying down to fall asleep? Ask yourself these basic questions, your answer would be right there. For the positive answers, be grateful. For those not, that’s why you are alive yet no? Let’s get to it with the next sunrise.🌞 While the roots are ingrained and nourished with spiritual alignment, everything that branches out of it is going to bloom. Onlookers will comment based on the looks and appearance of that branch, blind to the roots, it’s your job to align it with internal being and not get swayed away in the wind. ✨

Said this, it’s not glossy and rosy. Not trying to pacify or settle in. Not comforting or convincing a paradigm while at the edge to feel better temporarily. While ideologies and wishes needn’t fit the dimensions society has set, you make your vision and work to get there. Accept it is what it is and let’s take a step to move. Mentally and emotionally work on being there for yourself. But this time, more like a strong pillar. Be that wall, which has a bubble wrap so is welcoming while you fail, at the same time nudges you to bounce back tomorrow. You and your designer are sufficient, while one walks the path the other has made the path and added tags respectively thus encapsulating the abundance and providence to the world. Go for it, embrace those knots. Make it a worthwhile and award-winning artwork.🧶✨

Love and Hugs,

Chewing

While we eat food it’s said we need to chew it 32 times at least before swallowing. Not a bio blog, don’t worry. Do we chew words to pulp out the essence of it or do we just reciprocate it from memory or out of practice hence keeping it bland?!

I belong to a generation where words are easily accessible and flow effortlessly for most of us. A good thing, of course! Helps communicate better. But, my question is have we realized how to put these words into motion? I have a feeling we are not yet accustomed to the action part of words. Implementation, sacrifice, patience, perseverance, faith these attributes need to be invited along if you wish to kick off the words to action party! Unless we learn how to shelter and adopt them we won’t be able to reap the essence of the meaning behind those letters.

It’s an observation from my own life experience. I used to write from 2012 I believe or before. I needed crazy validation to even accept that I could start writing something. For sure now I am better and can read my posts myself, earlier while I started they were very basic. They were my way of venting, my scream, my anger, my way of fighting the chaos within. My way of pairing another “why” with a nice analogy. It was liberating to see a structured form of composition in front of me. Something tangible, so my mind understands it’s taken care of and acknowledged. It wasn’t for impressing anyone or making anything out of it. It comforted me while I was helpless. That is words for me. It was my mirror to make my feelings closer to tangibility I guess. I loved and still love to dress up my feelings and thoughts with this mirror of words. Reflection of rawness, acceptance of authentic self is what I seek and love. For uniqueness is what makes it precious and valuable for me.

While I grew up and met more people who could speak, I realized how those words were used hastily. Just because it’s available for free and doesn’t cost may be? I can sure only speak for myself with a basic example. I used to say I don’t care about various things while I was younger. Someone condescends me for my grades, for my personality, for my intellect, one phrase I used to affirm myself over and over again – muje pharak nahi padtha! Funnily, bahuth phark pada. Ask my four walls 🙂 Repetitive dealing with these instances is what helped me grow out of it. Every day facing the reality gives you two choices is what I think. A choice between which side of the spectrum you decide to navigate. Higher values or lower values. Towards principle aligned along your purpose or away. (Adulthood of course escalates and you no longer have just spectrum but some disco ball of choices and extremes which we will address some other day :p). While I realised how easily I used these words and did not weigh them enough, I started understanding their true meaning, the essence of the sentence hit home. The frequency of just speaking reduces. Because it takes ages to convert that stone to diamond. It takes time to live these values. It is not as easy as it is blurted out. Once you soak your clothes in some cloth detergent for hours, you get its fragrance for long as opposed to rubbing it against a soap for a few seconds. Just this way, I had to go through phases of these “I don’t care, I do care, I don’t care” loop. Just vigilant its a spiral loop inwards and not circular. The importance is given to the residues or by-products of these phases, anger, frustration, helplessness, loneliness. It’s how to caretake these values that add fragrance to your life. Maybe this is what we call vibes, the energy that we radiate and resonate to eventually while meeting fellow humans.

I used to say I need no one to tell me what my purpose is in this world. But it took me years to soak it in, that indeed I need no one to give me a roadmap of my internal walk. While the creator and subject are aligned, you need no validation and maps. You will create and not figure out the purpose. Once you focus on sharpening your rawness, deal with those byproducts, the end product will be radiating the brightness which will be sufficient to show light towards another soul. May be this is what they mean there is light at the end of the tunnel? 🙂 Relationships are the ultimate level of happiness for humans as per certain research done in the esteemed university. The relationship, of whatever boundaries will sail through if each of us share and help sharpen the diamond a little more. Or perhaps clear the dust just so it shines brighter. That is my summary of kicking off words to action in life.

Love and Hugs,

Dear Me

Nope, it’s not the journal blog that is going public today. Just thoughts (read as a tornado) which is eating me up late (read as not even thriving in that tornado, just still) ! Then why should it be public, and not kept in a journal is the question? You will know! Let’s walk….

Living in today’s age and day, I feel each of us deserves an Oscar. Uff! We have various factors to consider which weren’t existing earlier. We are lucky to have it, but the residues are hard to face or acknowledge. Everything is made to seem to be available for free. Knowledge, motivation, inspiration, entertainment, opinions, it is all free. Just avail it. Pay that surfing bill, and you are good to go. What they hid behind that asterisk condition apply sign was you will acquire anxiety, overthinking, comparison, judgment all in designer loops for free. We are advanced that way!

Let’s get personal. I know why my thoughts bother me. I know what needs to be done. So I don’t have the worry matrix on. What bothers is to be able to silence the noise. Be away from the generation hype and stay close to the grounded thought process. That process which is not a fan of instant arrivals, teaches it costs hard work, which exposes to reality, which teaches patience, which shows love is simple. Of course you try to distract yourself and say kal se meditation and phone detox, but today let me end the day with phone – hence what is looked out for is entertainment, random fun content. I attempt to throw those negative talks in the dustbin safely closing the lid and think let’s end the day with mindless scrolling in Instagram, but NO the AI has caught your patterns and interests. It will now recommend you related Instagram reels and posts on the same subject you just littered off and returned. You move to youtube now, not taking the risk to scroll but type in some specific subject videos to be at peace, but surprise, the undefeatable 5sec ads come in and sell you your anxiety. Then you switch off everything and wish to blog 🙂 so now you know why I chose to post. Maybe someone find this when they wish to break their phones as nothing is just allowing them to exist!

Jokes apart, well life is a joke. So I can’t really part ways with joke (by now you might be wondering something is seriously up with this human!) I learned a new term today – confirmation bias. (The tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories). We are in flood, flood of these random content, motivation videos, inspiration to look up to. All is cool, but son we need to understand how to filter. We need to make tunes at the end of the day so they are lullaby to able to sleep. Not accept the noise and cause self destruction. We no longer need those surface talks, we are done dipping toes in shallow waters. When the need is to face the strong currents of the waters, we need to be more equipped.

I am not going to give ways to feel better or how to deal with this better, none of those. Google it and wiki how ke five steps ah jayenge. While we watch a horizon, we see a limited view. But it’s our view. The sun rays flirting with that wave of water, the wind being a cupid may be, the birds humming for them probably “perfect”, the trees swaying to the tune (rather some nach meri rani reel?), and some human weeping his life story at the backstage (showing off on Instagram – life is cool, I am happy face). Lol. Now, this cannot be replicated in real-time by anybody in the world in an exact manner you have had that imagination. Sure, later that you narrate it to someone they can visualize it. But that instant, the moments, the feelings were yours and only visible to you. Phases in life would be such I believe, none will get your vision. Hell, they will say you are wrong. They will say you are blind even, that might hurt you for you were able to see until then. You have no strength to explain it as well. Stay calm, you don’t have to pressurize to duplicate it or narrate it. Focus on those moments. They are yours. Breathe in those moments, make the memories. Those passersby have their insecurities and regrets, which they are illiterate on how to deal with. Hence they are selling it to you. You were environment friendly and threw away those negative thoughts in the dustbin, safely without spilling. Recall? Mind you, you will be “adopting” their thoughts/insecurities/regrets if your going to dwell in them. The last thing you want is those overthinking negative thoughts to get life! Don’t breathe into it. Don’t be anti you. Just that take away! Your version matters. Period. Peace!

Love and Hugs

Realisation

It is Sunday evening, mom’s unwell so no evening tea ready. I grabbed a book and sat in the hallway as there was good wind. I happened to look at my living room from this angle. Seemed different and special, it felt as if I wasn’t earlier engrossed in the painting up on the wall. I happened to love every corner of it, it was illuminating my mom’s passion for plants, my dad’s love for fish aquarium, crystal collections he had collected lifelong in his crew’s journey, mom’s eye for arrangement and set up of the whole space. It felt as if I fell in love with my space all over again.

I kept seeing my hall every day while I was put here but never engaged with what it echoed to introspect further. The realization happens when we are calm and clear, but off-late it has been a feeling of rush and blurry vision. Superficial use of senses, not realizing the rawness of the environment. Most importantly, to realize how all my food and health checks are provided to me by mom and hence I have the time to do what I love to do, let’s rephrase – giving me the time to figure out what I love to do. You know what’s cool about retrospection, you have room for change. I quickly freshened up, made green tea, added ginger, pepper, and finally salt like an ass which of course didn’t blend well and made me almost puke, but it hit my senses to not expect cent result of change already as well :), I am reading a book, soaking in the breeze and hearing me breathe! Waving my neighbours goodbye, three families went for a evening outing, Sundays are meant for this isn’t it, it’s lovely to watch.

While I was younger, I never wanted to stay put. I loved being out on the weekends, running around, all to keep myself busy, this way the thoughts needn’t have to be addressed. I am glad to realize today, I love to sit calmly on this chair and read a book. The last thing I would imagine myself to be able to enjoy. Love this change, most importantly grateful for this realization.

Love and Hugs,

Are you getting me

While we walk on an even path, the vision is the same for all of us. Almost; of course, your height plays a role, but majorly it is uniform sight. Now, if you are trekking towards the hilltop, you would have a varied vision and experience at different junctures. Each climb is different, the story you narrate thereafter, the views you witnessed, the cloud formations you viewed, the thoughts that crossed your mind, what you grasped and soaked, what temperature you felt, it is all subjective to your personality as a whole. Although it is the same hilltop and path, there is a difference!

Nowadays, while conversing with fellow folks around my age group, I often feel and hear people say, I do not get what they mean or vice-versa. While we were in college until a set age we all unanimously agreed on aspects, followed the same path, the even path. As we progress, all of a sudden it’s a surprise. Escalates rather quickly, eyes feel heavy, heartaches, and thoughts cloud around. Feeling alien towards the known faces become evident, turns out to be a paradox! Hell, we get a headache post a reunion or a catch-up.🤐

While we walk apart, on our journeys, we accumulate stories, feelings, wishes, dreams, passion, and so on a so forth. It enhances the power of our journey, empowering vision/purpose, few might need lenses, few don’t, we all will have varied eyesight towards our vision associated with the individual journey. While we hear someone out at this juncture we watch their narration through our focal length, would it help us grasp what’s told? I doubt! Perhaps, if we could adjust our focal length to view it from the power of the storyteller, elevate and rise to a pedestal with tinge of feelings, bingo! I bet the horizon is wider and clearer now. Sure, immediately you may get back to your lens what suits you best and rather share your opinion. Works, but first, that shift helps build the handshake. Perspective. Post the handshake, it gets easier to have a conversation with this mindset, you don’t have to find the right words or frame perfect sentences, it flows. No fear of being judged, ridiculed, or mocked. It’s raw, genuine, heart-to-heart conversations to share and pick what might help along the way. Doesn’t this add more value to our conversations than a blatant bland hi hello how are you?!

**Few get homes along the way, while few get barren land!**

This is how I try to dip my toes into it, perspective! While I talk to people, the fact that most of them generalize the subject in the talk is not what interests me. If we expected a general response, suggestion, advice, support we go to Alexa and not a rational human who owns a heart and a mind which feels and networks. We have an abundance of information on google, we do surf and not really wish it from another person. We do not even look out for answers, it’s basically a bridge we are looking for, the bridge which we intend to build from one’s confiding in the persons’ experience, awareness of each others personality, traits vision, knowledge, personal insights which helps us to join the dots along our journey.

Love and Hugs,

Adulting

Typical and certainly you saw it coming as post my 25th birthday what else to expect right? 😂 Anyways, why I chose to write about this today is it’s been clouding along for some time now and needs some ventilation.

For me as of today, Adulthood is any topic quickly escalating to some other tangent altogether. It is an initiation of a tiny segment in one topic, and in no time you find yourself witnessing heavy emotions or asked to adopt any risky and scary life-altering decisions. Your words are given weightage and you stand accountable to it. Any statement made has a fine line for it to be a joke or hurt one’s sentiment. Gossip is the new toy people end up making the gospel. Meetups feel more like a checklist of relative superficial progress one has and tagged mightier or lower than the other. Time becomes an important factor that is not flexible for many, money is something we set to chase.Words are abundant but Actions are scarcer. Peer pressure is what we breathe and the future is what we live for. You are constantly arrested with the anxiousness of aging. Expected to know-it-all and have a different level of stability at each set age bar by some foreign paradigms which we seem to worship. The “how are you” are no longer meant to understand but a conversation initiator or a filler. Perhaps while we set to type how are we in real, we find ourselves reiterating similar chaos at every pit stop which was told earlier, realizing it’s playing some ball game on your upper storey, ever rolling full-time in uniformity strangely and not willing to settle down. Alas you end up laying a blanket on it – all good. All in all, shit gets real.

I don’t mean to sound pessimistic or rather a cranky kid, just that I don’t understand this socially accepted paradigm and will walk you through my thought process. All the above said is felt and experienced, I sure won’t stand a chance to skip it or run away from it. I don’t want to! I ain’t willing to play the blame game either. I am sure it is what it is for their valid reasoning, but how I end up reacting to it is what I have a control on. This is what makes me feel liberated, and all that I can focus on. Change is beautiful, I like to dissect it down and embrace it undoubtedly. But, not all changes are easy to accept. All kind of emotions is felt while we are set to embrace it, it is how each of these emotions are dwelt on, for how long, that creates the outcome that it does. I believe we swim along with these emotions, changes, circumstances, situations, but what I see is my swim track separated by clear boundaries from the others. I might be sharing the same water, the same temperature, the same training as opposed to someone having a whole pool to himself, auto modulated temperature, etc.

It is up to me how I wish to set the boundary, how extensively do I want to relatively compare and how largely do I want to focus on the path covered and left to unfold. While we work on what is in our control, rest can be handled or perhaps won’t bother as it is not your territory. What they said, what they think, what they believe, is what belongs to them. I am learning to mind my boundaries and my territory. I believe in the force which set me free along these waters, for he knows to walk on the water what more do I fear.

Love and Hugs,